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Filed Under: Journal
Thirty four might be "young" in quotes, but I'm not addled enough to think it's charming to provide my age against the contrast of my youth being an implausibility.
Fuck you, you condescending, smug, assholes.
Also, capitalize your name; lower case proper nouns aren't hip, they're illiterate.
Since we're doing quotes today, apparently:
"I wish I wasn't [the richest man in the world]" -- Bill "Downtrodden" Gates
I could make a comment, but the ultraviolet dimwittery speaks for itself.
No, I will make a comment: Africa wouldn't mind a 9 billion dollar infusion into aids research or for medication. Then lots of lucky poor people might live and you'd get the honour of being the second richest. Then if you REALLY wanted to slum it you could give 12 billion more to impoverished nations rapidly becoming subjugated to the WTO and IMF so they can keep getting luxuries like water and food. Then you get to be really lucky and be the third richest.
And here's a crazy fucking thought, you could give a paltry 28 billion to alternative fuel research, or improving educational infrastructure, or cancer research, or into researching a KIND OF VELCRO WHICH DOESN'T MAKE A TEARING SOUND WHEN IT SEPARATES, which would STILL be more useful then sitting in your f-ing bank account. Oh, and even if you DO give that 49 billion away I can suggest other things you might do with the over a billion you STILL have left.
Christ. What a JACKASS. Let me rephrase that quote for you guys:
"I wish I didn't have to sleep so I could keep kicking poor people in the sack over and over again without taking a break for 7 hours a night." -- Bill "Downtrodden" Gates
Filed Under: Opinion
This one goes out to all you retards breathing oxygen that would be best saved for me or members of my harem. We've got a lot of ground to cover given how f-ing stupid you people have been in the last month or so, so I'll just cut straight to the chase.
Our first example of retardation started in August and is culminating nicely into one of the dumbest decisions a nation has made since 2004, or maybe 2000. Iran has just banned Western music in a long line of fantastic, progressive decisions since the misfit Iranians voted in an ultraconservative president on a platform of taking away all their freedoms and crushing them under an oppressive boot. Here's a nice quote from the article that sums things up:
... Ahmadinejad has jettisoned Iran's moderation in foreign policy and pursued a purge in the government, replacing pragmatic veterans with former military commanders and inexperienced religious hard-liners.
It's always good to see another blooming military centric, soon to be nuclear power theocracy in this wonderful green world of ours. Seriously, way to vote you douche bags.
Hey there Hardcore Muslim, Merry Fucking Christmas!
The hardcore Islamic population aren't just a bunch of bad voters, either. They're also a colossal, world class kaleidescope of fucking ignorant behavour such as, oh, Acid attacks on "immodest" women in Iraq, for example. Everyone open their Koran and turn to page cock where it justifies:
"A month ago I was walking from my college to my house when I was abducted in the street by three men. They dropped acid in my face and on my legs. They cut all my hair off while hitting me in the face many times telling me it's the price for not obeying God's wish in using the veil," Hania Abdul-Jabbar, a 23-year-old university student, recounted.
Just keep looking, I'm sure it's in there in the back somewhere you fucking assclowns. Though, I want to be fair here and say that it isn't just religious regression responsible for terrible things happening in Iraq. Luckily, good old secular greed and moral corruption are hard at work too as the Iraqi people have discovered all the opportunities that freedom brings with it. Opportunities, like, oh, selling your women to other nations as prostitutes. I mean, there's nothing like kidnapping children attending a nunnery learning center and selling them into sexual slavery to round off a nice day of shooting at people randomly and throwing acid in the faces of moderates.
I'm beginning to think that the church hands these tasks out as penance like Hail Marys. My son, you've raped, pillaged and sold your neighbours daughter into a life of sexual slavery, but you're in luck, just kill 10 tourists and beat one woman who has either learned something or alternatively isn't wearing a veil and you're off to heaven and your virgins!
I can only imagine how these A-Squad brain surgeons just voted. I expect that things in Iraq will smooth out nicely now that they have their own choice of leadership. Just you wait.
Merry Jesusmas and a Happy Cockity Cock Cock to You
You know what? I used to say Merry Christmas to people, but now I absolutely refuse (unless it's to insult another even less progressive group of idiots, such as the title above). Anyone who has a problem with that please feel free to leave the room, say a prayer for me, you, baby Jesus, or basically whoever else floats your small-minded boat and proceed to stab yourself in the neck with a rusty knife till you see a tunnel of light.
Unless you've been on the moon, which may or may not exist since it was never specifically enumerated in the bible as being part of Jesusland, you've heard of the Republican/ FOX "News" and their new pet: The War on Christmas. This war is especially awesome since as far as I can tell in the media FOX is really the only army on either side of the issue. Honestly, it's like a fat kid in the corner screaming for attention while all the grown-ups are busy trying to pay attention to something important. Something like, I don't know, Bush riding roughshod over the Fourth amendment in what is very probably a genuinely illegal act. Not that I think any of you are adults.
I don't even know how to go about calling these people the mouthbreathers that they are without resorting to strings of utterly incoherent profanity (yes, worse than I already have), so instead I'll just let you listen to them and you can decide. O'Reilly: "War" on Christmas part of "secular progressive agenda" that includes "legalization of narcotics, euthanasia, abortion at will, gay marriage" BAHHHH! When did the words secular and progressive become dirty?! PLEASE don't let them become an insult the way liberal has. Just for you mental fetuses out there, this is what liberal means:
Liberal Lib"er*al (li^b"~er*al), a. F. lib'eral, L.
I left out a few definitions, but rest assured none of them were "pinko, communist, bet-wetting, freedom-hating terrorist-bed-brother". Go ahead, read the definition for yourself if you can muster the brain cells to manipulate a book into its "open" position and find the page without hurting yourself and suing anyone. Fucking Americans. Oh, and for those of you who couldn't muster the energy to read the whole thing, this is a summary: better than you.
Oh, I'm not Done With You Yet
That's right, I'm not done with you, you jackasses. I'm just getting warmed up. When you're not vomiting out half-assed complaints about the Microsoft monopoly on your way to buy an Xbox or complaining about child labour while perusing the fine wares at the GAP you're busy trampling each other FUCKING UNCONSCIOUS to buy DVD players at one of the most deplorable corporate entities in the world today, Wal-Mart.
I swear, the next time I see a Wal-Mart customer complain about low wages or their lack of health care I'm going to push their fat asses over in the snow and pee a nice hot stream of steaming appreciation directly into their no-doubt perplexed and largely simian faces.
Ok. NOW I'm done with you. At least until I can unclench my teeth, and yes, my buttocks, you pervert.
After the fact...
Two Million Dollars Worth of Montherfucker, Literally.2005.12.21 09:45pm
Here's a little something to warm your heart and show you yet again how in our world today just being accused of something is enough to destroy a person. More specifically, Ontario mom faces $2M libel suit for website about problems in neighbourhood. Sure, there's a good chance she might win but given we have no "loser pays legal fees" in our tort law win or lose she'll be destroyed financially.
Who knows if what she is complaining has any merit at all? It's very possible all she's doing is being a busybody. The point however is that we'll never find out since the company can crush her outright. Way to go Activa, you child molesting jackasses.
Of Course It Was Too Good To Be True2005.12.21 10:21pm
I have to say that despite my "vitriol", as it's been put so eloquently, I've been quite impressed with the filibuster in the US Senate which has stopped cold the extension of 16 provisions of the Patriot Act. That there would be a bipartisan effort to keep these questionable provisions from getting extended makes me think for a tiny, blinking moment that the US may not be doomed.
But don't worry, there's still idiotic behaviour to make fun of. Namely the talking monkey show that is Bush. I really would have thought he'd know to keep his damned spying mouth shut at a time where he's already tap-dancing around potentially illegal surveillance, but no, he's jumping up and down and screaming like the retarded caravel attraction that he is. The worst part is that it probably partially worked since the Senate just gave the Patriot Act six more months.
You know what? I wouldn't even complain so long as someone could have attached a provision which would legally require that anyone repeating talking points like "defeat and retreat" or "the terrorists just won a victory" get kicked in the beanbag by anyone and everyone who hears them.
Hell, even if it didn't shut them up at least they'd be sterile in a few minutes.
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